I mean, yeah, I'm sat in a fucking wheelchair and I'm really sorry if that's not ideal for you but it's just the way things are.
- I'm sorry I cant get out of bed myself to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. I'm sorry if I need help with that, but I'd appreciate it if yo did ACTUALLY help me instead of fucking point blank refusing to and then telling dad all about it and him fucking telling me if I wet the fucking be, he'll kick me out and tell everyone I'm a baby. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO HERE? I CANNOT physically miraculously make my brain talk to my legs to make them walk down the corridor themselves. I REALLY really really WISH I could, but I can't..
So yeah I held off on the bathroom until this morning - I he;d it for like 12 hours - when you helped me get up, and then you said, "you need a shower, but I don't have time to do it. Do it yourself". I CAN'T FUCKING STAND UP LONG ENOUGH TO FUCKING GIVE MYSELF A SHOWER. That's fucking asking for me to crack my head on the floor and drown in my own blood. I have limited balance at the best of times, in water is just.. no
I'm TRYING to learn how to do things myself. Believe me I am trying. But it doesn't happen overnight, I can't just magically co ordinate myself so that I have a normal body with a normal brain and just be a NORMAL PERSON. It takes practice and time and SUPPORT, and im SORRY im not NORMAL but I am tired of everything.
I'm trying so hard here. I'm trying to cope myself. But im not learning fast enough, I'm not doing well enough and I'm not functional enough. You think you're frustrated? Believe me, NO ONE is more frustrated with me, than me right now
Still think I'd be better off alive. I think not?
I'm done. So done.
Post edited at 3:30 am on Jan. 12, 2014 by its only me
3rd October 2013
& 16th October 2013
R.I.P. I love you.